Who Decides When We Are Finished

This morning I was reading from 1 Kings 19 which recounts the story of Elijah, a prophet of God, and might I add a man's man. After killing the prophets of the false god, Baal Elijah's life is threatened by King Ahab and so Elijah flees into the wilderness.

After a day's journey through the rugged terrain the scripture tells us that "he asked that he might die saying, "It is enough; now, O Lord take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers."

How often have you felt like Elijah? Have you been depressed? Have you thought that you just couldn't go on any longer? Have you done something that you were sure God asked you to do and then felt crushed by the task? I certainly have.

About 5 years ago I clearly heard God asking me to give up my career as an Infantry Officer in the Army and become a Pastor to Soldiers and their families. I began the task with gusto, eventually moving to Charlotte, working in ministry full time and going to seminary part time. It was a crushing task. I suffered from depression, my relationship with my wife was less than ideal, and I often felt as though I couldn't go on.

Then this past May, the final blow came. I received a letter from the Army informing me that they were releasing me from the Chaplain's Candidate program because I had not been able to maintain full time status in seminary. I remember getting the letter and sitting on my front lawn with my wife and daughter. I realized that we had come to a cross roads. We had to hang it up, give up on the vision that God had called us to live for, or we had to give ourselves even more fully to the task.

At this point I felt like Elijah must have felt as he lay in the wilderness, stricken with despair, his task undone, his life in danger. But Elijah's story didn't end in the wilderness and neither did mine.

The text in 1 Kings says that Elijah fell asleep and while he was asleep;

"an angel touched him and said to him 'Arise and eat.' And he looked and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again. And the angel of the Lord came again a second time and touched him and said, 'Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you." And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God." - 1 Kings 19:5-8

Elijah was at the end of his strength. He had enough and couldn't think of going on. He wanted to die. But God didn't leave him there. After Elijah went to sleep - not after Elijah had begged God for enough help, or after Elijah tried even harder - no after he went to sleep, exhausted, then God came to his rescue. God provided what he needed. He fed Elijah, gave him strength. I think that its an important point that God provided actual food and water. God knows our needs and provides for them.

How encouraging that must have been for Elijah to wake up and find breakfast in bed from God! As much strength as the food and water provided, it probably paled in comparison to the strength that Elijah received by God showing up in his despair.

As I sat on my lawn, feeling crushed by the weight of failure, God showed up. My wife and I both heard God speaking to our hearts saying, "Stop trying to fulfill my plan for you on your own strength. I will provide a way." We decided in that moment to follow. In the next six months we sold our house (there were 32 for sale in our neighborhood ours was the only one to sell for full price), I quit my job (my employer United World Mission gave me another position with less responsibility and fewer hours), we asked friends and family to support us financially (they did!), and someone from our church gave us a house to live in. As I write this I am again overwhelmed by the provision of God. He showed up and he fed us with his own hand! Like Elijah we are moving forward by the "strength of that food".

Maybe you are at a place of despair in your life today. Maybe you feel as though you cannot go on. The task before you is too great. If you trust Jesus with your life then do as he says and "cast your cares on him". He will provide what you need. Live under his strength.

If you have not come to a place in your life where you have trusted Jesus, believing that you are far from God and that he died for you that you might be made right with God, then you need to do that. Stop living your life under your own strength. Live instead under his.